I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
