Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
