My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
