Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
