He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
