i'm signing you up for texting rehab
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
