is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
