I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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