drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
