I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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