Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
