cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
