The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
