he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
