so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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