So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
