he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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