I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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