mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
