God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
