I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
