All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
