Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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