I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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