Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
