I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
