you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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