Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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