You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
