I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You don't make any sense
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