btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
