The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
