With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
