I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
