Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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