Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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