I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
