walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
