i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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