I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
