Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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