i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
