ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Are we still banned from the library?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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