Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
