i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
