i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
