Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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