those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I touched a dick in church today
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
