i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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