How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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