Tell her she can't have a vagina
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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