I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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